Protectivism, Anxiety, Tiredness

Sometimes, I realize that I encounter these symptoms: anxiety and tiredness, after trying to getting along with others. When I am into a conversation, I feel the high focus that I need, in order to get myself involved. One of the causes is my poor hearing, which I always miss out what others were talking, hence slow in responding or even lost in that conversation. I am also over-cautious of what I need to say for I do not wish to say the "wrong" thing and being perceived as someone not cliqued to the frequency of the dialogue. Besides, I am very cautious of the words that I use in order not to "hurt" the person. Yet, conversation is a mutual way which also eventually protects myself from being hurt by others. And, this is possibly the motive for me to be cautious.

For times, I am too tired. I want to liberate myself from bad experience with conversations. I wish to converse freely and responsively in my own manner. Yet, the response of others always take large weight in my thoughts, which eventually shapes my ways of conversing. Compelling myself to clique to certain dialogues provides nil enjoyment in conversing. Thus, I slowly distant myself away from possible conversations.

I have certainly mixed up between flexibility of conversing in different contents with following the frequency of dialogue. To further improve myself, I always look for greater flexibility with environment. Yet, I am afraid I am in the wrong path as I am suffering from what I did. My mind has jumbled up. I need advice from the wise. 神啊，救救我吧！